oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
