Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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