I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
