It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
