We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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