the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
