i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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