Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wear drunk well.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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