Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
