If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
