I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
