There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
