maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
