i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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