Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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