i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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