im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
