It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
