i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
