Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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