I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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