Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
