"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
