As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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