so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
