I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
