giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
