My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
