i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
