Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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