...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
