I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
