38 yer olds are good kisserssss
In America we eat man semen.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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