Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
