who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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