Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
