so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
