i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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