I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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