I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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