You really coming over, don't trick.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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