Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
