she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
