xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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