and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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