I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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