my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
