I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
