I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
