Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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