Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
